Post Date: August 13, 2020

Starting a conversation on Tinder can be nerve-wracking, especially if you’re physically attracted to that person. Saying the wrong thing may turn them off instantly. Girls and guys should be careful with the first thing they say to start a smooth conversation.

Starting a conversation on Tinder should begin with a comment about their hobbies or interests. These can be found by looking closely at the other person’s pictures. Find a commonality between you and that person.

In this article, we’re going to cover all the things you should and shouldn’t do when starting a conversation on Tinder.

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Ways To Start A Conversation On Tinder

Ask Questions

When starting a conversation on Tinder, the first thing you’ll want to do is ask a question. First, we recommend reading the bio or looking deep into the picture to see if you can talk about their hobbies.

asking questions on Tinder

If the person has an interest in sports, ask them what their favorite sports team is. If they are seen hiking in a mountain, ask them what mountains they’ve hiked in the area.

This will instantly create a commonality between you two which can lead to more in-depth conversation.

One thing we recommend is to stay away from personal questions. Do not ask about past relationships, and do not ask anything inappropriate.

As you start to learn more about the person, and you two start to become personal with one another, then you can ask those questions. However, right off the start, we recommend you stay completely away from these topics.

Start With A Joke

If you’re an outgoing person, there’s a good chance you’ll also want to meet someone outgoing to keep up with your energy.

Tinder joke conversation
via Reddit

Starting with a joke is the best way to see the other person’s personality before getting deep into a conversation.

If the other person laughs at your joke and responds, chances are they are outgoing, and it will be a fun conversation. If they don’t react or respond to your humor, it could be because they’re introverted and don’t have the same humor.

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Start With A Compliment

Starting with a compliment can be an excellent way to make a girl or guy feel confident. This can help put you in a better position compared to all of the other matches.

We caution, however, not to make this inappropriate. Starting a conversation with a compliment can be something about having pretty eyes or a friendly smile. Do not mention any body parts when starting with a compliment.

The compliment should be clean and tasteful as the person will want to think you’re sweet and kind. They don’t want to think you’re gross and direct.

Avoid These Conversation Starters

First, we’re going to cover words and phrases you should avoid when starting a conversation on Tinder. These phrases can instantly turn off a person, or they may ignore you.

Tinder conversation
via Reddit

Remember, you only have one chance to make a first impression. It needs to be exciting and eventful. A boring introduction will immediately turn that girl or guy off, as they’re looking for a fun and engaging person.

Starting With “Hey”

Using just the term “hey” to start a conversation is one of the worst things you can do on Tinder.

“Hey” is such an uneventful entrance, and often you will get a “hey” back, which essentially resets the conversation back to you.

The point of an opening line is to get the person to respond and keep responding. The term “hey” leaves the other person feeling as if they need to say hey back, and that’s it.

We want to start our conversations by having them answer a question and feel comfortable doing so.

Starting With An Unusual Statement

Starting with an unusual statement or question is not the way to start a conversation. There have been many YouTube videos where the person begins with an unusual line and is sometimes successful, but more often than not, they are shut down.

how not to start a conversation
via Pinterest

Tinder does have a reputation as a casual dating platform. However, plenty of people have found love on the app as well. Approach every person as if they could be your next girlfriend or boyfriend.

Starting a healthy conversation will help you avoid the creep tag.

Especially if you live in a small town or city, you don’t want to get the reputation of the person going around on Tinder saying inappropriate things. Keep the conversation clean and ask questions.

Don’t Let The Girl Start The Conversation

For what’s left of chivalry, we always recommend the guy be the first person to start the conversation. Like how it would work in a bar scene, having the guy take the first step forward will show that he’s interested.

If the girl is too aggressive in the first and opening lines, it may turn off the guy. It’s essential that if you match with a guy, take two days maximum before you reach out.

If the guy doesn’t reach out within two days, there’s a good chance he’s probably not interested, even after matching.

As the guy, you’ll want to initiate the conversation and ask questions right from the beginning; that way, you can control the pace of the conversation.

Talk About Friends Or Family

If you notice that the person has a friend or family member in their photos, we recommend not saying anything about them until you’ve started the conversation.

The family member may not be with us anymore, or the friend could have betrayed them, and they don’t want to talk about it.

To keep the conversation flowing, we recommend keeping family and friends out of the dialogue until later in the conversation.


Starting a conversation on Tinder can be intimidating, but saying the right things can help you spark meaningful relationships. We recommend starting with a question, compliment, or joke to lighten the mood.

First impressions are everything, don’t ruin your only chance to capture a pretty girl or handsome guy’s attention.

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About the Author

Julia has over 10+ years in the mobile dating app space as a consultant and analyst. Her work has been featured on top websites like Mashable and Women's Health Mag. She writes these blogs to help singles find their true love and life long companion!